Bizpain - How's Your Job?

August 17th, 2010

Email Scam

0 comments >>

Ed

Markt Lottery International Espaсol

REF: ES-B3087RN-F

Calle Gran via,

Madrid, Spain

Attn Lucky Winner,

We are pleased to inform you that you have emerged as a winner in the final annual draw of our Lottery International Programs. Your email address was selected by our Electronic Random Selection System (ERSS) from an exclusive list of 800,000,000 e-mail addresses of individual and corporate bodies generated from an internet resource database.No tickets were sold.Ticket Number: 444821545-ES/2009 Serial Number: KPL/09-009/SP.

You are therefore advised to receive a cash prize of 2,500,000.00 USD(Two Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) from the total payout.

Your prize award has been insured under a bonded depository policy with your e-mail address.

To file for the processing of your prize you are advised to contact Mr.Raul Gomez with the information below:

************************************

Mr.Raul Gomez

Tel: +34 634 043 851

Fax: +34 940 460 841

Email:xxx@xxx.com

************************************

Endeavor to provide him with the following information’s:

Names…………

Telephone/Fax number:………..

Nationality………

Age………

Occupation…………

Regards.

Mr Martins Prak

Lottery Coordinator

REF: ES-B3087RN-F

Madrid, Spain.

August 16th, 2010

Come on in, the water is great!

0 comments >>

The Worried Worker (W2)

President Obama and the family on vacation is a great thing to see. Except if it’s right after Mrs. Obama gets back from one and right after the president pushes through more stimulus, sending the clear signal that there is more pain on the way.

PRESIDENT OBAMA HANDS A STYROFOAM COOLER TO VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN IN THE WHITE HOUSE KITCHEN. THERE’S LOTS OF NEWSPAPER LAID OUT ALL OVER THE PLACE.

BIDEN:

(Reaching for the bag; hesitant – curling his nose in the air)

Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you.

OBAMA:

(Taking note of Biden’s suspicion)

Look, Joe. They’re fine. They’re clean, big and juicy shrimp from our gulf.

BIDEN:

I did see you and the kids in the water and it did look nice.

OBAMA:

I offered the trip to you and your family, Joe, but you didn’t want to do it.

BIDEN:

(He opens the box)

That’s true, sir, but weren’t you just a little nervous, I mean just a teeny bit?

OBAMA:

(opening a jar of shrimp cocktail sauce)

Nope. (he takes a huge shrimp out of the cooler, jiggles it a bit in the air, and then scoops some cocktail sauce out of the jar and downs the shrimp in one bite)

Hmm. Damn, that’s good. Have one Joe. You’ll see.

BIDEN:

(takes one out and stares at it)

You’re sure.

OBAMA:

Joe, come on, you’re being ridiculous. Here, let me. (Obama takes the shrimp from Biden’s hand and eats it. He chews it several times, then squints, then opens his eyes wide and clutches his neck like he’s choking)

It’s….it’s…..(he relaxes) it’s delicious, Joe. You’re missin’ out. Not my problem. I’ll give you one of the tee shirts I picked up instead.

BIDEN:

(big smile)

Please, don’t go to the trouble.

OBAMA:

I didn’t. Our staff did. What size do you wear, extra large?

BIDEN:

Depends on where it was made.

OBAMA:

Wasn’t made here.

BIDEN:

Double X, thanks.

August 13th, 2010

Bad Job #1

0 comments >>

Ed

August 12th, 2010

jetBlue flight Attendant – on Leave (mental leave-we hope)

2 comments >>

The Worried Worker (W2)

Like a lot of pubs out there, we commented on the Stewardess melt-down today. Unlike us, we’re going to say a little more.

Just how messed up are we that this guy is a “hero?” With the economy faltering again and certain increased unemployment numbers for months, maybe longer, how is it that our new “Taxi Driver” is a flight attendant on a domestic airline?

Are people applauding that this guy “lost it” and – or that he did something? What is it that he did that is helping anyone get a better shake at work? Do you really think that employers are all hiding under their tables right now shuttering in fear of you leaving them? Go! It saves them money that they don’t have anyway.

We just learned of 8 humanitarian workers slain in Afghanistan – reminiscent of the rape and murder of nuns in El Salvador a few decades ago – and suddenly a maladjusted and pompous flight attendant is front and center in the news and in people’s blogs? (except jetBlue’s – couldn’t find anything)

This guy didn’t save any lives, freaked out many airline passengers, made other jetBlue employees look especially stupid and made us all rethink TSA – are these people really guarding something? They let the nut head flight attendant get through, didn’t they?

Air travel is worse for everyone because there are fewer flights, so more people have to adjust to less convenience, that’s not fun, then they get stuck in their own worlds on a plane and don’t process instructions, or they’re assholes and don’t care, then do stupid things, and then flight attendants, in this case Joan of Ark, scold them and when they make poopy in their pants, they shake their fists, cuss at people, steal beers and take the quick way out.

Or, did he?

Was it a ploy because he’s a loser and had nothing else?

Is he just another hick couple with a child “floating away in a balloon?”

August 11th, 2010

The Jet Blue Escape Slider – Folk Hero?

5 comments >>

The Worried Worker (W2)

Folk heroes should not break federal aviation laws.

Period.

Have a peaceful sit-in, write letters, sky dive off a sky-scraper; make your point; but, do not, and I repeat, do not mess with a commercial flight.

Period.

You don’t yell “fire” in a theater; and, you don’t get on the intercom on a commercial jet and cuss out passengers – that is not your place, that is the airline’s. You yell on a plane, today, motherfucker, and you could get tackled and beaten – and, that’s just my first response. I haven’t even used the seat belt buckle on your stupid head, yet.

Who hasn’t sat in front of or next to a crying, out of control kid? A smelly person. Noisy person. Someone eating weird foods like duck claws (the claws aren’t so bad, but it’s that sucking, elastic sound….)

And, what about overly happy and chirpy flight attendants? Do we need rhymes for instructions? Or, low budget comedy routines? It’s almost like the Jungle Ride at Disneyland.

It’s hard to travel by air – for everyone.

Planes are sacred to everyone in the world today and only the lowest, most disgusting, self serving idiot like the disgruntled flight attendant would do something to terrorize any passenger, unless, of course, the passenger was the terrorist himself – then you just kick the snot out of him.

Can’t handle the job? Get some help. In the wrong job? Fake it, or get out.

Period.

This was not a statement, it was a meltdown.

Period.

August 10th, 2010

Kid fined $500 for selling Lemonade without a restaurant license!

1 comment >>

Mad James

Times are tough everywhere, so be careful with those garage sales, Tupperware parties, tickets to pancake breakfasts, or even selling lemonade on the street corners.

Julie, a seven year old in Portland, Oregon, squinting up at the man, didn’t know what to make of his question, so she turned him over to her Mom who nearby.

“I need to see your restaurant license,” he said, looking between the pitchers of pink and yellow liquid.

The mom didn’t answer. It took her a few seconds to process his statement. She had to down a few gulps of the pink drink before composing herself and answering, after making her daughter stop picking her nose.

“This isn’t a restaurant, it’s a folding card table with a wobbly leg, and this is an arts fair that we have every year. What are you talking about; “restaurant license?”

“Ma’am, I’m just an inspector for the county and if you don’t have a license, I’m going to have to close you down.”

The little girl started to cry. Walkers stopped and listened in disbelief.

“Mommy, Mommy, I’m sorry, I don’t want to go to jail, I’m sorry.” She started picking her nose again; her mom let her.

“You’re telling me my seven year old daughter needs a license to sell Kool-Aid and water at 50 cents a cup?” The Mom started to pick her own nose a bit.

“Without a license, ma’am, you could face a fine of up to $500.” The Inspector wasn’t aware that a crowd was amassing behind him as he stretched his arms behind his back, at ease.

“Mister. You’re talking about a fine that would take my daughter selling 1000 cups of lemonade. I think she has enough for about 50 cups. That’s all. You can’t be serious.”

Other vendors and bystanders started chanting and encouraged Julie and her mother not to leave. A second inspector arrived and the two inspectors were surrounded by a crowd of vendors supporting Julie and her mother. It’s possible that many in the crowd had been drinking something stronger than lemonade.

Julie and her mother packed up the stand and their pitchers and left the fair.

Two inspectors, paid by tax payer money, doing their job.

August 9th, 2010

The vacation is over, Mr. President

1 comment >>

The Worried Worker (W2)

A whole week without the girls – no matter how wonderful a life a family has together, when a parent can get a few days of living alone, it’s golden. And, if you’re the President of the United States? Platinum.

PRESIDENT OBAMA SHARES A PHOTOGRAPH ON HIS BLACKBERRY WITH VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN AT BREAKFAST.

BIDEN:

(smiling wide)

Looks like they’re having a great time, doesn’t it?

OBAMA:

(yawning)

Yes, it does. I’ve missed them.

BIDEN:

Which one is Malia again?

OBAMA:

Joe, it’s been year.

BIDEN:

I’m just kidding, Mr. President. The tall one, right?

OBAMA:

Joe?

BIDEN:

Just kidding. But, I do have to ask – did you have some fun while they were gone, I mean, nothing bad or anything, but maybe an extra drink, or maybe watched something on TV that you might not have been able to do while they’re home?

OBAMA:

I worked more than usual, Joe. I think I turned the volume up a bit on some tunes, but I worked. (frowning) We’re all working more now, Joe; those of us with jobs, anyhow. No one is hiring, they’re making whomever they have on the books work more, not paying them more, mind you, but working more. And, the workers are doing it without complaint, because they don’t want to be let go and they’re afraid. Just a few years ago, they would have been cocky, but now they’re dealing with it, accepting it. It’s wrong, Joe.

BIDEN:

(not sure what to do or say, fidgety)

You’re doing the right things, sir. I feel it in my heart.

August 6th, 2010

Strippers and Worker’s Compensation

0 comments >>

Mad James

So, if a stripper hurts themself while doing their job, they should be able to get Worker’s Compensation, right?

But, if you are collecting Worker’s Compensation for an injury at another job, you really shouldn’t be stripping for pay as well, should you?

A fortyish women is facing trial on the east coast right now for collecting nearly $400 a week in benefits for nearly two years, and being caught on tape as a stripper. We’re not sure how much she makes as a stripper, but are almost positive it’s more than $400 a week.

It seems that private investigators working for her past employer taped her dancing at a Gentleman’s Club and Bar and getting paid in paper currency stuck into her – uniform – and in payroll from the club.

The question remains – if she hurt herself on the pole, or on the edge of a stage, or on the arm of a chair or an audience member, could she collect during her trial for fraud in the other place?

Lot’s of ways to make money these days, you just have to be agile.

August 5th, 2010

Be alert for symptoms of depression

1 comment >>

Imin Bizpain

OMG. I saw this list and had to share it.

“The blues” can strike anyone from time to time, but long-term depression can be a serious health problem leading to damaged relationships, physical illness, and even suicide. With treatment, depression can be managed, but many people don’t recognize that they have a problem.

To prevent a tragedy, be on the lookout for these symptoms in yourself and your loved ones:

• Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or guilt

• Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or remembering details

• Changes in sleep patterns—insomnia or excessive sleeping

• Restlessness—an inability to remain still

• Significant weight gain or weight loss due to changes in appetite

• Loss of interest in formerly pleasurable activities, including sex

• Irritability

• Long-term fatigue

• Unexplained headaches, cramps, or stomach problems

• Unexpected crying spells

• Thoughts of death or suicide

If you or someone close to you is experiencing these symptoms, seek help promptly. Medication and psychotherapy can usually help as long as the situation is addressed before it’s too late.

Worst? If this is your boss.