The things you can’t find out during an interview.
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Translator
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February 24th, 2010
If Millions of Unemployed Face Years Without Jobs what does that do to me?
I’m reading that millions of Americans out of work today are not going to have jobs for a billion years. And, while I’m sad to read that and hear that, I’m glad to have a job – even though I hate my job.
What am I supposed to do? I mean, my checks clear every two weeks and I pay my bills – I’m not saving anything but I’m getting by. And, friends of mine talk about pay cuts and I just got a minimal raise. I don’t feel guilty, but I’m not out there popping champagne.
Economists fear that the recovery will leave more people behind than in past recessions, failing to create jobs in sufficient numbers to absorb the record-setting ranks of the long-term unemployed. They call them the new poor: people long accustomed to the comforts of middle-class life who are now relying on public assistance for the first time in their lives — potentially for years to come.
Oh my God!
What does that mean?
I read statistics about men versus women, single or married, with or without children – I’m single, gay, no children, in debt, with a car that barely runs, clothes that are ten years old in fashion, computers that are 1.0, and aging parents who look to me to help them die gracefully. I gotta tell you, I’m scared.
The brilliant economists are telling us that it’s going to take longer to get through this than other recessions – but my parents are at the age where they aren’t buying green bananas.
My parents need me to make it happen for them. What do I tell them?
February 23rd, 2010
Hello Dalai! The Dalai Lama is ok with Obama’s greeting
The Dalai Lama said he’s ok with President Obama’s casual reception in Washington because he recognizes that the president has to juggle ties to the Tibetan spiritual leader with his concerns about angering China.
It’s a tough spot for the President – Tibetans basically import threads and fabrics from America; the Chinese, on the other hand, import everything under the sun.
His Holiness also commented on Tiger Woods’s recent comments about his Buddhist background in what might be one of the funniest lines about tiger yet: “I don’t know who he is, but all religions are pretty much the same about adultery. Buddhists must focus on self discipline and awareness of consequences.”
Obama hosted the Dalai Lama on Thursday in Washington, D.C., but kept the get-together off-camera and low-key in an attempt to avoid pissing off the Chinese. That’s how things seem to be done now – we know it’s happening, but we just can’t see it. It’s like, “Hey, psst, psst, DL, over here….I’m over here behind the drapes.”
The Dalai Lama fully understands that the US needs close ties to the Chinese and in the last twenty years or so meetings between the Dalai Lama and US presidents have been quietly choreographed and scrutinized because of China’s anger quotient.
This time it was even worse as China urged Obama not to meet with the 75-year-old spiritual leader, saying the visit “seriously harms U.S.-China relations.”
What’s going to harm our relations is if we keep getting lead poisoning from Chinese products, not visiting with a spiritual leader who lives in exile in India because the Tibet-occupying Chinese would probably put him in jail.
The Worried Worker suspects that America doesn’t want the Chinese to get their hands on him either – what would the world expect of America in that situation?
Maybe we could send Tiger to China for some of his therapy?
February 22nd, 2010
Dutch government collapses
One of the most interesting moments in history and the Worried Worker doubts that more than handful of Americans are even registering this on their radar. If Holland no longer has a government, then what happens to their Olympian athletes? What happens to chocolate? What about wooden shoes?
PRESIDENT OBAMA AND VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN ARE IN THE SITUATION ROOM SURROUNDED BY THE GREATEST MILITARY MINDS IN THE WORLD – THEIR ADVISORS.
BIDEN HAS HIS RIGHT INDEX AND MIDDLE FINGER IN TEENY WOODEN SHOES AND IS “WALKING” HIS FINGERS FROM THE EDGE OF THE TABLE TO HIS CUP OF COFFEE.
OBAMA:
(serious)
Mr. Vice President, please stop that. (Biden looks up and around the table smiling, then loses the smile) Where did you get those things anyway?
BIDEN:
My wife got them as a bonus when she bought some butter cookies in one of those big blue tin boxes, you know that look kind of like tile in Holland?
THE TABLE IS QUIET. BIDEN LOOKS LEFT AND RIGHT AND THEN REMOVES THE LITTLE SHOES FROM HIS FINGERS AND CROSSES HIS HANDS.
OBAMA:
Now, we know what’s been announced and we need to make sure we’re in constant contact with ‘em. Whether or not they continue with their 1600 or so soldiers in Afghanistan is still an unknown, but what we do know, at this moment in time, is that their second largest party has quit.
SECRETARY CLINTON:
Mr. President, we know that any Dutch withdrawal would certainly be a worrying sign for NATO but it’s also possible that that this could have an impact on Canada’s plans to withdraw its entire 2,800-strong unit from Afghanistan by the end of 2011.
OBAMA:
Balkenende made no mention of elections but the resignation of the Labor Party leaves his government with just 47 seats in the 150-member parliament.
BIDEN:
This is sort of sounding like what’s happening here in America, isn’t it?
CLINTON SHAKES HER HEAD AND LEANS BACK IN HER CHAIR, GIVING UP.
OBAMA:
What was that, Joe?
BIDEN:
I mean, since Senator Bayh quit, we’re seeing officials all over the place running for cover. This could be just the beginning. Holland, then maybe Belgium, I would think all the chocolate countries would go first, I can see that happening. That’s the way I see it, anyway.
CLINTON LOOKS OVER TO OBAMA AND MOUTHS “HE’S YOUR VICE PRESIDENT, BARACK…..”
February 19th, 2010
Who Benefits from Toyota’s Recall Problem?
No one.
And, who cares that the torrid tale of Toyota is as unseemly as Tiger Woods. And why are “t” words getting such a bad rap?
Ok, do other auto makers will see a pick-up (excuse the pun) in sales. But, will the price of Saki go down? Will Sushi bars still be the raw fish thing? Or, does this whole Toyota thing smell like a bad fish?
Ford might be happy. Honda might have been excited for a minute but they’re most likely trying to add a German accent to their ads – let’s face it – the pain of Toyota is going to turn to the pain of Japanese cars and thousands of plaid shirt wearing men and women in America’s Midwest might be cheering.
This works against everyone. Car dealers, car buyers, gas buyers, car washers, add the work car to anything and it’s going to take a hit.
How do you say “Cash for Clunkers” in Japanese?
February 18th, 2010
If your complaint is about HR, who do you give it to?
I just don’t get it.
One of my staff got a call from someone in the company who threatened them with bodily harm. It may have been in jest, but they don’t have a close enough relationship for this kind of kidding.
My staff was unnerved, as I am, and said they wanted to file a complaint. I learned that this may have happened before – not the same language or words, but derogatory statements; indictments, threats.
I wrote it all down, checked with my boss who expressed the same confusion as my own, and I contacted our HR person.
When I sat with the HR lady, she took and finished her telephone call by saying, “I have someone in my office; now I have to deal with something unimportant.”
I didn’t know what to think.
I was unimportant? My complaint was unimportant? My staff was unimportant? Some nut head, way out of balance, said to my employee that she was going “to shoot her” and this was unimportant?
I shared everything I knew with the HR lady. She didn’t take any notes and didn’t ask any questions. She said she would call my employee and the verbal attacker.
She was then quiet and looked over at me with a dismissive glance.
What do you do with that? I shuttered and stood up and left the office. It was horrible.
Who do you complain to if it is your HR person you need to complain about? You can’t win from that – you’re dead meat.
I need a new job.
February 17th, 2010
Bad Hire #9
If you’re going to bring someone with you to a job interview or to help you complete an application, make sure that it works to your benefit and not to your butt-a-crack-and-fat.
February 16th, 2010
I quit! Senator says Bayh Bayh!
“There is much too much partisanship and not enough progress,” The Senator was quoted as saying during his formal announcement in Indianapolis. “All of this and much more has led me to believe that there are better ways to serve my fellow citizens.”
He cited two examples of policy he feels demonstrates the nation’s partisan divide. One bill that would have created a commission to tackle the nation’s debt had bipartisan support but failed in a Senate vote last month. The other piece of legislation, the Senate’s jobs bill, is now also in question.
He said that the guys who endorsed a bill ultimately voted against it – I don’t understand how this is some big surprise to anyone; isn’t that politics?
Bayh pointed out his strong relationship with the state’s senior senator, Republican Richard Lugar, as an example of how things should work in Congress.
“If Washington, D.C., could be more like Indiana,” Bayh said, “Washington would be a better place.”
“As a nation, we are currently headed badly off course; the people of Indiana want to change that and want to be heard in Washington,” Coats said in a statement. “I will continue to make the case throughout the state that I am in the strongest position to get there and fight for all Hoosiers and all Americans.”
Now, I don’t know much about Indiana, but I do like wheat and corn, and chicken, beef and pork – I don’t even know if that stuff even comes from there. But, I do know that it is pretty weak of this guy to quit – as if he didn’t know the politics would suffocate his idealism?
And, now the country should be more like Indiana? I’m sure there some secrets the Hoosiers don’t want shared with the rest of the country.
The sad part is that everything that Bayh says are his reasons for quitting are the very reasons we need him to stay – the bad guys win again!
February 15th, 2010
1 Trillion Dollar Day – for the Presidents
While Americans used to celebrate George Washington’s and Abraham Lincoln’s birthdays every year as federal holidays, in the early seventies, some elected officials decided it was too much to have two full holidays in a short month, so we shortened it to President’s Day.
Of course, we didn’t have Google or Wikipedia in those days, so no one realized that they also had a President’s Day in Botswana – don’t worry, most Americans don’t recognize Botswana anyway.
PRESIDENT OBAMA AND VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN SIPPING COFFEE IN THE OVAL OFFICE IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS OF PRESIDENT’S DAY, 2010.
OBAMA:
(sucking a little air through his teeth)
So, how were the Olympic games, Joe?
BIDEN:
(smiling wide – holding out a few pins he collected while there)
They were terrific, Mr. President. It was a bit cold, though. Here, I brought you something.
OBAMA:
It’s the winter Olympics, Joe, it’s probably best that it’s cold, don’t you think? What is this? (looking at the pin)
BIDEN:
It’s a team pin from Botswana, it’s a gift for President’s Day.
OBAMA:
(looking over his reading glasses at Biden – pause)
Why?
BIDEN:
(smiling way wide)
Botswana has a President’s Day too. I thought it would a fun thing to remember the day by.
OBAMA:
How is it that you know about a President’s Day in Botswana, Joe?
BIDEN:
Well, I was answering a question by a reporter in Canada (Obama grimaces) about how much it costs us here to have a day to honor our presidents.
OBAMA:
(taking off his glasses and massaging his temples)
What did you tell them, Joe?
BIDEN:
Well, I did some quick math and figured that about 100 million people probably got the day off with pay, for 8 hours at an average of $15 per hour, and figured it was a Trillion dollars or so. (leaning forward) And, here’s the kicker. I had staff do a quick search of President’s Day and they found one in Botswana too. (he leans back on the sofa and makes a gesture with his open hands, like, “you see?”)
OBAMA:
And?
BIDEN:
Well, I told the reporter they had one in Botswana too and then quickly turned my conversation over to Peggy Fleming, who is still hot, by the way.
OBAMA:
Thanks for the update, Joe.
February 12th, 2010
Happy Valentine’s Day
When most people think of Valentine’s Day, they probably aren’t worried about appropriate etiquette for the office. You should only give the gift that is appropriate for business environment. A simple, “Happy Valentine’s Day” probably works best – as a gift.
And, don’t let on if your plans are way cool and the other guy is basically getting his favorite meal.
Etiquette expert Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute says the subject bears a little loving care – excuse the pun. Her advice: Don’t flaunt your plans—either before or after they’ve happened—when chatting with coworkers (or friends, for that matter).
Valentine’s Day can make people who are not part of a couple feel bad, Post says. Don’t even talk about your plans unless you’re asked to. Try to use the day to celebrate compassion, she advises, to give a little attention to those who might not be feeling as fortunate as you do. While people are probably genuinely delighted about your happiness, being modest in what you share is the most thoughtful approach.
So, good, if you’ve got something hot planned, don’t talk about it. Could be racy for the office. Which brings us to the point about Valentine’s Day.
Why is it celebrated at all? It’s a great day for candies, flowers, naughty slinky things – but Valentine lost his head. What’s to celebrate?
