I’m shocked at how many couples I know who are having troubles in their relationship – and even talking about splitting up – almost entirely caused by stress over money. For better or worse, my husband and I have worked together since before we were even a couple, so we have been dealing with financial ups and downs in our business – and our marriage – for more than a decade. Here’s a few of the hard lessons I’ve learned . . .
Commit to being in this together
The worst part of money worries is the wedge it drives into your relationship. You blame each other and believe that if only the other person would get a better job, stop spending so much money, make better investments, work harder, etc. things would be fine. Instead of dividing, make a commitment to each other that you will solve your problems together, as a team.
Realize that it’s the economy stupid
What’s happening now isn’t your fault and it isn’t your partner’s fault. There are people to blame, but none of them are in your house. Recognize that most of what’s happened is outside of you and your partner’s control. Don’t let the greed and stupidity of some businesspeople and politicians make you lose sight of the one person in your life who is on your side.
Remember what brought you together in the first place
Most couples I know started out poor. Everyone has a great story about buying groceries from the change jar or the cruddy apartment they had. I’ll venture a guess that when you recall those times, while you remember the stress, you also smile and remember that you got through it and were actually happy.
Have a “goals” retreat
Take a day, send the kids to school or off with a babysitter. Sit down together and talk about your goals – for yourself, as a couple and as a family. When my husband and I hit a rough patch a few years ago and tried this exercise, I was pleasantly surprised that one of my husband’s personal goals was to stay married. It made me realize that while our business was important, it counted less than keeping our family together.
Know that you’ll be happier together than you will apart
Don’t laugh – it’s true. Studies show that unless there is abuse, addiction or other circumstances that make life truly unbearable (and that doesn’t include dirty socks on the counter) that most people who get divorced are actually unhappier than they were when they were married.
There is still little good news about jobs, about the economy, the world, the swine flu. Stress is a major element in everyone’s lives, from all ages and genders, to all animals. Even pets suffer stress when they’re around loud noises, bad smells, mean owners, etc. But, you’ve got to work on the relationships, people. You’ve got to stand up against the madness and take hold of what’s important. If you have a relationship, keep it. If you don’t, go gene. If you can’t do that, then go get a pet.
I don’t know about this. The news I get isn’t great for me, but is great for some other people. Always hard to read this information.