July 30, 2010

 

July 30th, 2010

Bad Hire #20

 

July 29th, 2010

Great Offer For College Degree - are you kidding me?

Mad James


(this is a real email received last week – we’ll keep sharing these stupid things for a laugh – we hope no-one falls for this stuff)




 

Subject Line:

 

Obtain a University Degree based on your professional experience for a extraordinary life. aegirine adipomatous advisorily

 

 

 

Message:

 

Halo!!

 

Do you want a good future, step up in earning power, and the admiration of all?

 

Today only:

We can assist with Diplomas from prestigious universities based on your present knowledge and work experience.

 

Get a Degree in 4 weeks with our program!

 

~Our program will help ANYONE with professional experience gain a 100% verified Degree:

 

~Doctorate

~Bachelors

~Masters

 

- Think about it…

- Just follow YOUR Dreams!

- Live a much better life by earning or upgrading your degree.

 

This is a exellent chance to make a right move and receive your due benefits… if you are qualified but are lacking that piece of paper. Get one from us in a short time.

 

If you want to get better - you must Contact us 24 hours a day to start improving your life!

 

~CONTACT US FOR A FREE CONSULTATION~

 

1-407-245-7320

 

You should leave us a message with your phone number with country code if outside USA and name and we’ll call you as soon as possible.

 

It is your decision…

Make the right move.

 

Sincerely.

 

Do Not Reply to this Email.  We do not reply to text inquiries, and our server will reject all response traffic.

We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

 

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July 28th, 2010

Bad Hire #19

 

July 28th, 2010

VENT

Letter To W2

(click on the VENT button below right, or email your question, issue, etc., to vent@bizpain.com – we’ll do our best to get it out there every week)

 

 

Name: marco

 

Question: why is Lindsey Lohan in jail for drinking and using drugs when the fat guy in Bell, California can make almost a million bucks for being a city manager – what kind of job is that anyhow?

 

 

July 27th, 2010

This guy’s knots.

For nearly 60 years, George Hart has been tying knots.

 

“I mainly do it to meet interesting people, like in a bar in London,” Hart said. “I just send them around the country for gifts and maybe I’ll show up one day and get a little special treatment.”

 

“I’m a retired boat captain,” he said. “I’ve had waterfront jobs for many decades.”  He has been captain of small ships, fishing boats, glass-bottom boats at Catalina Island, cruise boats and an oil boat in Texas.

 

“My knots are on billionaires’ boats in Monte Carlo,” he said. It’s a one-time thing. I make a knot for somebody - international, interesting people - and then I go travel around and see what happens. It’s a glorified calling card.”

 

In his home, Hart proudly displays photos of his knots around the world and the many thank-you letters from pub owners and ship captains, including Phillips.  The 66-year-old has his sights set on a monastery’s bell in Moscow.

 

Although Hart is retired and purchases rope and supplies, there is no charge for his knots.

 

“Charging would take the fun out of it,” he said. “Besides, I couldn’t make any real money out of it. It cost way more to mail this stuff than it does to make it.”

 

For Hart, knot tying is more than a hobby. 

 

“It’s a passion, but it’s sort of an ego thing too,” he said. “It’s an element of therapy, but it’s mainly to meet interesting people.”

 

“I don’t have a TV and the radio isn’t on,” he said. “Normally when you’re making knots you’re paying attention. I’m looking at my fingers tips.”

 

“I’ll do this until my arthritis is so bad I can’t do it anymore,” he said.

 

July 26th, 2010

Ten Tips for Success as a Virtual Worker

Imin Bizpain

First, make sure you can handle being without normal social interactions and people-noise.  If you can get through a day without the need for distractions, you will be successful and actually complete more every day than you could “at work.”

 

Establish a Routine

It’s crucial that you have a routine to replace the commute, the coffee chop, getting the paper, etc.  You’ll have more time and be more productive when others are stuck in traffic, so make sure you establish time lines that keep you ahead of the pace

 

Organize your Workspace

Some companies will require office audits to ensure compliance with protective laws, safety, etc.  If you’re home office has a bar, you may want to hide it when the office cops show up.  But, get organized wherever you set up shop.  Lay it out – on a table, a desk, a TV tray.

 

Set goals

Be realistic and make sure you don’t stretch your day out just because you don’t have to spend an hour or two on the freeway.

 

Manage Distractions

Make sure the dog has plenty of water and don’t do errands while you’re working.  Most important, do not have the TV on in the background.

 

Establish Boundaries

Keep a schedule and don’t migrate to your home office after hours – it will seem like you’re working twenty hours a day and it can kill your spirit, your relationships and your productivity.

 

Be Accessible

Make sure everyone knows how to reach you, that you are reachable and that your responsiveness is never in question, especially during season openers for your local baseball franchise.

 

Communicate and Participate

Participate in meetings, dial in to conference calls, and be present when you’re needed – and look forward to it – make sure you tell people you’re productive, but that you miss them and seeing what they’re microwaving for lunch.

 

Share your Accomplishments

Let people know the score – what are you making happen for the benefit of the business.

 

Accept Accountability

Even though you’re remote, you are responsible for results.  Accept the fact that your level of control is different, but you have control – don’t ignore it.

 

Foster Strong Relationships

You need strong people back at the office covering your back – and your front.  Take care of them as well.

 

July 23rd, 2010

I’m really pissed off right now!

Mad James

And I don’t really know why.

I have a job and a boss who is great – tries the best he can to protect me from the nuts above, but works with me to make me better – he does not make it easy – he works it. I love this guy.

I have a great and steady mate and dog. Enough said.

But, right now, four hours after leaving “work” I’m sitting in shorts and tank top – it’s hotter than hell, or at least hotter than my sister’s last wedding. I’m at a laptop trying to share something of value to you – and all I can say is that I’m really pissed off right now.

I’m sick of working with people who don’t do the right thing. They act like they’re great and they probably go to church and donate money to a lot of charities. But, they don’t do the right thing. And, I don’t think it’s hard to know what’s right.

So, what is it, doing the right thing?

Think. You’re seeing it.

If you’re a bad person, it takes longer, but you see it.

If you do the right thing all the time you probably aren’t reading this.

If you try real hard, as often as you can remember to, and know you fail, but keep on trying, you see it.

Doing the right thing is something we can all see.

Yes, you can see it when it’s right.

 

July 22nd, 2010

Don’t Lose Hope – Sometimes It’s All You’ve Got!

Imin Bizpain

The news is constantly on the downside and it’s getting harder and harder for people to feel optimistic, but we have to or what else is there? Despair doesn’t pay either and one thing is certain – we will all get through this economy and will move into a positive cycle again.

But, what do we do until that “then” arrives?

CNN Money recently reported that a record 1.21 million people want to go to work, but said they aren’t looking because of the weak labor market. The June figure is up from 793,000 a year ago.

They want to find work – but the opportunities are so slim – they just don’t look.

This doesn’t mean that the unemployment numbers are going down, just fewer people are looking for work.

More people may have stopped looking for work because their jobless benefits are expiring, wrote Deutsche Bank economists Joseph LaVorgna and Carl Riccadonna in a note. To collect unemployment benefits, people must be actively seeking work.

This is not good.

There are five workers for every available opening.

Those who have been out of work for a long time will find it more difficult to land a new job, particularly if they are in sectors that will likely remain depressed, such as manufacturing and construction. They don’t have the skills to switch industries.

The labor force, in general, has shrunk over the past two months, contracting by 974,000 people as they lost confidence in their employment prospects. That reverses part of the gain of 1.7 million workers in the first four months of 2010, when a wave of optimism flowed through the nation.

 

July 21st, 2010

Do Playboy Bunnies get unemployment benefits?

The Worried Worker (W2)

In a recent New York Times magazine, Hugh Hefner offered details about his sex life that made most men nod approvingly and say to themselves, under their breath, “that’s awesome!”

 

When asked is he takes “a lot” of Viagra, he said, “I don’t take a lot, but I take it when it’s called for.  I make love a couple of times a week, and I take the Viagra when I’m going to be making love,” he continued. “I would say at 84 it helps. It’s God’s little helper.”

 

Hef only has one remaining girlfriend, Crystal Harris, 24.  He’s 84 and she’s 24 (that’s awesome!)  The twins left awhile ago (that’s awesome too!)

 

 In a memoir, Kendra Wilkinson chronicles her first time with Hef, in a Playboy mansion sex buffet:

“One of the girls asked me if I wanted to go upstairs to Hef’s room… It seemed like every other girl was going, and if I didn’t it would be weird. One by one, each girl hopped on Hef and had sex with him… for about a minute. I studied their every move. Then it was my turn… it was very weird. I wasn’t thinking about how much older Hef was–all the body parts worked the same. I wanted to be there.”

 

There are more descriptions, but this is a G rated site, not a G-spot rated site.

 

The Worried Worker hopes the job market improves soon.

 

July 20th, 2010

The Oil Leak is Capped and the Clean Up Continues

The Worried Worker (W2)

While there is great optimism that the cap on the leak may actually contain the oil from vomiting into the Gulf long enough for the relief wells to take hold in August, there is still great concern over the jobs lost in the region.

 

The region’s citizens are in pretty bad shape and recovery isn’t happening any time soon; and the BP checks aren’t jumping over fences to help these Americans get through it either – after all, there is only so much a shrimper can do to skim the water’s surface for oil and the pay isn’t nearly what he’s used to.

 

PRESIDENT OBAMA AND VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN SIT ON THE PATIO AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR A MID-DAY LUNCH OF TUNA TARTAR AND SALAD.

 

BIDEN:

(Poking his fork around the raw fish)

I saw your address the other day about capping the oil leak.

 

OBAMA:

Oh yeah, what did you think?

 

BIDEN:

(Obviously unhappy)

I thought it was ok, I mean you were ok.

 

OBAMA WIPES HIS MOUTH WITH HIS NAPKIN AND SETS IT DOWN ON HIS LAP.

 

OBAMA:

Ok, Joe.  I can tell something is wrong.  What is it?

 

BIDEN:

I don’t know what you mean.

 

OBAMA:

Come on, Joe.  Spill it.  Sorry; bad choice of words.   But, it’s clear you’re unhappy about my address, so just let me hear it.

 

BIDEN:

Well, Mr. President, I noticed that you started to use the phrase “we” in the statement, when before it was pretty much “them.”

 

OBAMA:

Ok.  And?

 

BIDEN:

Well, you said “we” shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves, “we’ve still got a big job to do, “we” will be able to stop it, etc.

 

OBAMA:

And?  (he puts his hands into the air, pleading)  Joe focus.  And, your point is?

 

BIDEN:

Well, Mr. President, I always thought that “we” was you and me, you know, not you and BP.  I think it could send the wrong message, that’s all.

 

OBAMA:

(stares across the table at him)

Joe.  You and me (rowing his hands back and forth in air) are a “we” and a team.  My reference to BP as a “we” was to take partial credit for the cap and the temporary fix.  Before that, I didn’t want any part of them and if the cap fails, I won’t reference them as a “we” anymore.  Does that help?

 

BIDEN:

(he thinks a second and then his face turns into a huge smile)

Yes, it does.  “We” are just fine, aren’t “we?”